10 Habits of Highly Sensitive Children
All kids are unique, but you may take notice of the difference between your emotional child and their peers.
Learning whether your child is highly sensitive can help you better support their needs in order to help them thrive. In this post, we’ll share 10 habits of highly sensitive children, as well as some tips for parenting your emotional kiddo.
Dr. Elaine Aaron (highly sensitive child expert) says "To have an exceptional child, you have to have an exceptional child." And this is the truth.
If you have a super feeling empathetic child, they will often be an exception to other children around them (in some ways that feel easy and other ways that feel really difficult).
Understanding how they tick by reviewing common habits of highly sensitive (HS) kids will help you more ease-fully support them for the future success of the whole family!
This article will help you identify the most common traits of HS children that might seem overwhelming and support you in building healthy relationships with these kiddos for the long run.
Is my child highly sensitive?
If your child is showing big emotions of anger, fear, or sadness (at school or at home), it is possible that you have a highly sensitive child.
Many kids with high sensitivities experience emotional extremes that result in power struggles with mom and dad, until they are adequately supported in learning to manage their feelings effectively. Commonly misunderstood, being a highly sensitive person is a personality trait, not a disorder.
Check out this article on "what is a highly sensitive child" for an in depth explanation of how to determine if you have a highly sensitive child (and how to distinguish this trait from other issues like anxiety, ADHD, and sensory processing sensitivity).
If you determine that this is your child, it is important to learn tools to parent them properly, as HS children do require a unique type of parenting to truly thrive.
10 habits of a highly sensitive child
These 10 habits may show up in some but not all HS children. If you feel your child is represented in some or most of these descriptions, it is likely that you have a highly sensitive child.
Highly sensitive kids can truly thrive when understood properly, but also suffer more than other children (because of their sensitivities) when misunderstood.
It can be really empowering for families to make this realization and rule out other mental health challenges, so that you can understand your children's behaviors more clearly and the appropriate support can be found.
BIG HIGHS AND LOWS
Sensitive kids hold on to charged experiences for longer (both positive and negative). There is actually research on how emotional centers in the sensitive person's brain become activated for longer periods of time than those same centers in the non sensitive brain.
This simply means that your child will need extra support learning how to come back to centered regulation once they become activated, and it is important to seek professional support if you are having a difficult time supporting your child with this. These issues only become more intense without intentionally shifting the patterns.
STRONG INTUITION
Generally, HS children enter the world with a greater ability to sense the subtle cues in their environment than others, which can make them highly intuitive. There is actually scientific evidence that the insula (the seat of consciousness located in the brain that is closely linked with self-awareness, interoception, pain processing, and addiction) is more activated in highly sensitive people.
This presents HS children with the challenging task to learn how to use this power (being highly intuitive) for good, without becoming too overwhelmed with perceiving pain more deeply and becoming more easily addicted (which for children can often look like screen and sugar addiction).
OBSERVATIONAL
HS kids observe a lot of what is happening around them and generally ask A LOT of questions. It is important to celebrate a child's behaviors like these even if they can feel repetitive and turn into seemingly irrational demands for attention.
A sensitive child will not respond well to feeling like any part of them is not accepted, but with a softening towards how they are being and fostering a strong connection parent-child relationship, they will often shift into more regulated behavior in time.
EMPATHETIC AND CARING
While some child might show up at a birthday party and simply enjoy the fun, it is likely that your sensitive child will have an extreme experience of sensing what all the other adults and children are feeling! This might come out in anxiety and aggression later, but it is truly indicative of your child's strong caring and empathetic side.
It is important to teach sensitive children how to create energetic boundaries, so that they do not always take on every one else's stuff. We must also support them in releasing extra emotion they are carrying in safe ways.
A DESIRE TO FEEL IN CONTROL
Due to all the big feelings that HS children are experiencing, they often create fixed ideas on how their environment should be in an attempt to gain control over their experience. Ultimately, this does not support a child in learning to function effectively, because the rigidity can lead to more distress and more challenges.
It is, however, important that we recognize this habit as a natural response for a child with high sensitivity to experience more ease. By validating and understanding this need, we can ultimately support them in shifting out of low tolerance and into increased capacity to manage the unknown and elements of life that are outside of their control.
PERFECTIONISM
Life's expectations of the sensitive child (or what they perceive as life's expectations) can cause them to feel uncomfortable achieving anything less than perfect! Several parents have a difficult time supporting their sensitive children in this habit, because they themselves are often perfectionists too.
Families can choose to be "recovering perfectionists" together and support each other in feeling more grace and patience in not showing up perfectly all the time. It is really important that HS kids see their parents modeling this kind of behavior.
OFTEN FRUSTRATED
HS children tend to become frustrated really easy. This is because their brain does have a shorter fuse than others due to their intensity. It is important that they are not made wrong for their frustration (which relates to their zeal of life!) and instead they are supported in learning tools to channel their frustration in safe and productive ways.
Even seemingly benign directions can send a child off into feeling like they have done something wrong or "life isn't fair." Have patience in these moments, validate your child's experience as it feels from their point of view as a first step. Once they are back in their center, you may then be able to problem solve together for how a child can keenly focus their attention towards more effective regulation the next time.
LOW SELF ESTEEM
With all of these habits that can seem to control highly sensitive kids, it is common for sensitive children to experience low self esteem. Furthermore, although many highly sensitive people are extremely insightful, they can often be found making irrational exclamations (black or white thinking) or misinterpret other's actions for personally attacking them when they get too stuck in their head.
All of this can cause a highly sensitive child to start to feel like something is wrong with them and to feel self conscious. Parents that are attuned to this habit can learn to support their kiddo in trusting themselves and not being in constant analysis (that might cause them to take things personally and create negative self concepts).
A HIGH NEED TO BE SEEN FOR THEIR UNIQUENESS
It is common that a sensitive child occupies a lot of space in their family. They often require a lot of attention and have a strong need to be seen for their uniqueness. They might fall into a victim mindset and feel like no one understands them if they haven't had an opportunity to feel seen and received by a loving parent in some time.
End power struggles by learning how to offer your child 1-1 time in an efficient way that will help them learn coping mechanisms through safe connection to stay more regulated. Helpful guidance (with a free 20 minute audio) on how to do this can be found on our course page here.
EASILY OVERWHELMED
Highly sensitive children are perceiving SO much. Quite literally, studies show that the thalamus (which is the brain's gatekeeper of information) in HS people allows in more information than others.
As a result, these kids often experience a lot of natural discomfort that can feel overwhelming and need extra support to slow down how they are perceiving sensory input, so they can experience more ease in daily life.
Other highly sensitive child traits
These are some of the top habits of highly sensitive children. The reality is that these incredibly insightful children simply struggle to process a huge amount of difficult emotions every day.
With the right support, however, you can learn to support your child in learning how to allow their sensitivities to become their super power. Here are a few other traits you might notice in your highly sensitive children and how to support them.
DIFFICULTY IN PEER AND SIBLING INTERACTIONS
Highly sensitive children often struggle with proper boundaries with their siblings. Sometimes they put up really strong boundaries that feel offensive; and sometimes they want to get really close. This push and pull attachment behavior generally stems from a HS child's need to feel in control of their relationships.
It is important to set clear boundaries as a parent while also not making your child's patterns wrong, so that ultimately they can learn to engage in safer relationships.
SENSITIVITY TO SENSORY INPUT
While the highly sensitive personality trait is very different than sensitive processing disorder, it is not uncommon for a sensory overload to control HS kids' experience some of the time. They might get overwhelmed by bright lights, reject foods on the dinner plate, or get irritated by clothing tags.
It is generally a good idea to believe the intensity that this input is creating for them (recognizing their brains are perceiving the input differently than yours). In time, you can support your child in increasing their window of tolerance for certain stimuli, but they need your help with this!
STRESS AROUND CHANGE
Change is stressful for everyone. You may notice your younger kiddo wanting to sit on mommy's lap or daddy's lap more around times of transition and change.
This is actually a very normal response to the unknown and your sensitive child will just be feeling that change more deeply than other times. Be patient with these chapters. This too shall pass.
REGRESSION TO YOUNGER DEVELOPMENTAL STAGES
You may wonder why your 10 year old daughter is sometimes acting like a little girl (when an hour ago she was conversing with you like an adult) and that sometimes her behavior feels inconsistent. It is really normal for highly sensitive children to regress to a younger state when triggered.
The best way to support them through this is to meet them where they are and help them find safety again (versus telling them to "act their age"). Remember, these behaviors won't last forever.
Supporting your highly sensitive child
The bottom line is that highly sensitive children need a different type of parenting to thrive. With a specific type of gentle parenting (that includes loving and consistent boundaries), they will feel supported to contain big feelings without losing any of their passion for life. You might seek out some of the following support to up level your parenting of your high sensitive child.
THERAPY
Finding a qualified child therapist can be a great way to help your child feel more fully seen and understood. You can check out psychologytoday.com to try to find a provider that will best support your family.
PARENT COACHING
A good parent coach will support all individuals involved in parenting to get on the same page in their approach and learn important information specific to parenting your child. Check out our parent coaching approach if you're interested.
BOOKS
Reading a book that resonates with you (or listening to an audio) can really shift your outlook on parenting. Check out our resources page for top recommendations for parenting books.
PODCASTS
Finding a podcast community that you resonate with can be a great way to stay grounded in the messy parenting moments. You might enjoy our Sisterhood Meets Motherhood podcast or simply search "parenting" in your podcast app and find one that resonates.
COURSE WORK
A self paced course can provide the necessary structure to learn important information and create new ways of being for your whole family.
Better yet, if you and your spouse can take a course at the same time, you will become more aligned in your parenting approach which is really important for sensitive kids. Learn about our signature TUNED IN parenting course here.
Parent coaching and course work can help you learn more about highly sensitive child traits and how to support your emotional kiddo
Thank you so much for choosing to learn more about how to support your sensitive child. Receiving the right information can change everything as a parent of a highly sensitive child.
We hope that you will check out our TUNED IN course and dive into a highly transformational container to become the best parent you can possibly be for your unique kiddos. It is possible to find joy on this journey.