5 Qualities of a Good Parent for Highly Sensitive Children
Takeaway: If you have a highly sensitive child, chances are they could benefit from an intentional parenting approach that’s tailored to their needs and strengths. In this post, I identify some characteristics of good parents for highly sensitive children and give my recommendations for how you can emulate these qualities today.
Understanding highly sensitive children
Highly sensitive children experience the world differently than their peers. If you have a sensitive kiddo, you've seen this firsthand in the way that your child feels everything deeply, gets easily overstimulated, and more.
While it can be difficult to know how to be a good parent to your sensitive kiddo, it's important to recognize that they aren't behaving this way to "be bad" or make things harder for you. This is simply who they are!
In fact, high sensitivity is a personality trait that 15-20% of the population is born with, according to research from Dr. Elain Aron. Common signs of high sensitivity include:
Big emotions
Emotional highs and lows
Sensitive to the emotions of others
Easily overstimulated by the environment
Overwhelmed by change
Sensitive to criticism
Keep in mind that these are just a few qualities of a highly sensitive child. For more information, check out my What is a Highly Sensitive Child? blog post or take my Highly Sensitive Child test. My Highly Sensitive Child mini-course is a great option for parents looking to take an even deeper dive into understanding their sensitive little one.
If you feel overwhelmed trying to be a good parent to your sensitive children and aren't sure what to do, you're not alone. Thankfully, making a few intentional shifts and learning some new parenting skills can help you feel more connected to your kiddo than ever.
Let's take a look at the role of parenting styles in raising highly sensitive kiddos.
The impact of parenting on highly sensitive children
Despite our best intentions, all parents make mistakes. We often end up parenting our kids the same way that we were parented, whether or not we actually align with those values and behaviors. Sometimes, we fall into these patterns because we're not sure what else to do.
Let's start by giving you some grace. The fact that you're reading this right now means that you want to be a good parent, and you're doing your best to keep your child safe, happy, and healthy. And it's never too late to try implementing some new parenting strategies.
As parents, it's our job to change how we show up for our children based on their unique needs. We shouldn't expect our kiddo to suddenly become the "perfect child" or start acting like their non-highly-sensitive peers. It's best for both you and your child if you can meet your kiddo where they are with compassion and consistency.
On that note, I recommend parents of sensitive kids take a consistent parenting style. Since these little ones are highly sensitive to change, consistency is an especially important quality of good parenting for sensitive children. Knowing what to expect puts their minds at ease, which will cultivate more peace and calm for your family.
Taking an authoritative parenting style also helps. Authoritative parents set limits and boundaries in a healthy way while also demonstrating unconditional love and affection. Authoritarian parents focus on strict, harsh rules while passive parents don't take enough control. Striking a middle ground is a sweet spot for parents of sensitive kiddos (or any child).
But what does this actually look like in practice?
5 good parenting practices for sensitive kiddos
Here are some of my favorite parenting tips that I give my parent coaching clients. Remember, this isn't about you being a perfect parent: we all make mistakes. Rather, it's about intentionally shifting how you show up for your child (and yourself!) in order to cultivate the most loving, harmonious family life possible.
1. Empathize with their feelings
Empathy is an essential quality of an effective parent. This is especially true for sensitive children, who feel their feelings so deeply.
Even when we don't understand our child's reaction or condone the way they're expressing it (i.e. throwing a tantrum), it's vital to let them know that it's okay to have whatever emotion they're experiencing.
When we validate our children's emotions, we build a sense of trust with them. Each time we meet our kiddo's feelings with empathy, we show them that it's safe to come to us and that they're safe in their bodies.
2. Help your child regulate their emotions
While it's totally acceptable for our kids to have big feelings, these emotions can be highly dysregulating for them. Many parents also experience dysregulation when they or their child has intense feelings, so learning how to regulate can help both you and your kiddo.
There are so many great tools you can use to help regulate your emotions and help your child calm theirs. My butterfly body scan can be a helpful option for kids of all ages, including those in early adolescence (or even you as a parent). For even more emotional regulation strategies, check out my Parenting Essentials mini-course.
Remember, this isn't about self-control: it's about helping your child hold space for their feelings without getting completely swept away by them.
3. Focus on what your kiddo does right
As I touched on earlier, sensitive children are highly sensitive to criticism and being scolded for making mistakes. While discipline is necessary at times (more on that in a moment), it's also important to focus on what your child does well.
Make sure to pay close attention to times when your child demonstrates good behavior, especially in situations that are difficult for them (e.g. following directions when you say it's time to leave for soccer practice, even when transitions between activities are challenging).
Verbal praise can go a long way in reinforcing these behaviors. Your child will feel special and seen, and they'll be more likely to continue acting in a way that elicits a positive reaction when they know it'll be noticed.
4. Set loving boundaries using positive discipline
At the same time, mistakes are part of being human. But as a parent, it can be difficult to know how best to handle these situations.
Punishing our children for "bad" behavior ruptures our connection with them. However, being too lenient with boundaries gives our children control, which can be highly dysregulating and confusing for them (even if they enjoy it in the moment).
Effective parenting is setting limits in a clear, consistent way. This gives our kiddo a safe container to operate within. And if all of this is difficult to wrap your mind around, no worries. You'll learn everything you need to know about this (and more!) in my signature TUNED IN Parenting Course.
5. Prioritize connection
Above all, effective parents of highly sensitive kiddos prioritize connection. This doesn't mean putting boundaries aside to protect your child's feelings. Rather, it's about navigating the process of rupture and repair together.
When your child grows up in a house where their feelings are validated, seen, and supported, they'll grow into emotionally healthy adults.
Having a good relationship can be subjective. However, when you spend time together and express love even when you set limits or have rough days, they'll know that you're there for them.
Getting support in your parenting journey
While all of these strategies are relatively straightforward, it can be challenging to actually implement them—especially if we didn't have a good example of this parenting style when we were children.
But you don't have to do it alone. At Rooted Rhythm, we're highly experienced in supporting children, parents, and families like yours. If you're interested in learning more good parent qualities and how to put them into practice in your daily life, we'd be honored to support you in your journey.
Reach out today for a free consultation to learn more about which services might be right for you. We look forward to connecting!