The Story of Ada -the wisdom of a little one on a play therapy journey
I continue to be so curious about the parts of people I witness through my work – and how I am granted the opportunity to also bring unconscious parts of my psyche to consciousness as client’s move towards their truth in the therapy. In seeing my individual process of healing through personal trauma and making space to be clear on the unique vocation most aligned for me, I am reminding of a family I worked with in the context of play therapy. I share their story here in efforts to illustrate my deep passion for understanding the soul of a child, the beautiful connection between parents and their children, and an example of a story of becoming that I witness daily as a play therapist. (Please note that identifying parts that could be revealing of confidential client information has been shifted).
Three-year-old Ada was referred to play therapy for support around her parents’ recent divorce. Ada’s mom and dad were struggling in the transition to their new lives apart from each other and feared that Ada was forming anxious attachment patterns due to unresolved feelings around the separation. I suggested that mom and dad switch off weeks bringing Ada into the playroom, as it was clear to me these boundaries would be important for my client to learn that she lived in two different worlds now – one in her mom’s home and one in her dad’s home. As expected, Ada did want her parents to be by her side in the playroom for every session. In my conceptualization, however, this was not due to Ada having separation anxiety, as her parents assumed. Rather, she wanted her parents to witness her becoming through the play therapy process.
In the first several sessions, Ada presented as overwhelmed and often looked outside of herself to decide how she felt and what she thought. She would make statements like “I don’t know what I like” and “I don’t know what I want” often – and look towards her parents to give her direction on how to think and what to do. As I tracked her play and attuned to Ada at the nervous system and psycho-spiritual level, I experienced Ada’s beautiful journey of individuation over the course of 27 sessions. Throughout the therapeutic process, Ada was given space to know herself without judgment or expectation – and freedom to and integrate parts of her psyche that felt fragmented through play. In relationship to Ada, I had the privilege of experiencing a felt sense of what it felt like to be her (a concept first introduced to me by the Synergetic Play Therapy Institute in Boulder). Often, I found myself confused about how to describe my feelings, not sure what I wanted, and having a deep desire to be understood. This helped me attune more deeply to Ada, as well as model to her how to process what I was experiencing – by describing my experience in appropriate moments and then modeling how to regulate. Often, Ada would look me in the eyes nodding as if saying “Yes, you really get me.” Not only did Ada process her parents separation creatively through play in the context of the therapeutic relationship, but also in moving towards challenge in a safe way, she became more confident and attached to her Self. In later sessions, Ada was actually able to describe her “sad,” “mad,” and “happy” parts that would naturally arise in her world.
Once Ada felt safe, seen, and understood in her world, she began demonstrating unique interest in how things worked (for example, a deep curiosity about how toys were made and what was happening inside her throat and tummy when she took a sip of water), and she started to more freely move her body in a way that honored her natural impulses, particularly in moments when big feelings were present.
Meanwhile, I spoke with Ada’s parents for fifteen minutes each on the day of her sessions and guided them in a parallel process of their daughter’s growth. Her parents worked on acceptance of their family’s fate, addressed blocks preventing them from showing up in full presence as parents, and ultimately became more clear on who they wanted to be.
In a session towards the end of her therapeutic process, Ada gathered some building blocks, looked up at me and her mom with a massive smile and said “Watch me girls! I’m going to create something that has never been made before!” Ada’s mom and I gazed toward each other in deep connection and with tears in our eyes, feeling inspired by the three-year-old in front of us demonstrating what it looks like to individuate and step into one’s truth.
As I provide healing opportunities for clients to bridge the gap between the unconscious and conscious, and to connect more deeply to what is really true for them, I am so fortunate to also watch my personal path back towards my soul. Just like Ada, I am getting to know myself more each day, in each therapy session I offer and in all the lessons I receive. I am learning that I also want to create something new and unique to offer my community and my world. I look forward to watching the journey unfold.
Learn more about Rooted Rhythm play therapy offerings here…