Five Year Olds Behavior: Understanding & Nurturing Your Child
Takeaway: Watching your little one grow can be a joy. At the same time, it can be a struggle to understand what “normal” 5 year old behavior is and how best to help your child thrive. In this post, I shed light on
Typical developmental milestones for five year olds,
Common behavior struggles for kiddos in this age group, and
Gentle parenting tips to support your preschooler.
Let’s dive in.
Understanding five year olds' developmental landscape
By now, your child is becoming their own little person with a unique personality as well as their own strengths and preferences. While it's a gift to watch them grow, you may also wonder if your five year old's behavior is "normal," especially if it seems different from their siblings or peers.
While I usually recommend against comparing your little one to other children (they're their own special self!), understanding the common milestones for a child this age can still provide a helpful frame of reference. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), milestones are activities that about 75% of children can do by a certain age.
Here are some of the major developmental milestones for 5 year old children.
Takes turns when playing games with others
Can do simple chores
Answers simple questions about a book or story
Tells their own stories
Can count to ten
Can sustain attention on a task for 5-10 minutes
Writes some letters
Hops on one foot
Starts losing baby teeth
If you have questions or concerns about your preschool child's social abilities, fine motor skills, or any other aspects of their development, I encourage you to consult your child's pediatrician.
Common behavioral challenges for 5 year olds
Many parents can feel distressed when their child acts out or demonstrates some other undesired behavior. While these emotions are valid, it's also important to put your child's behavior in context. Their brain is growing rapidly at this age, and they're still learning how to share, navigate big emotions, and more.
Here, my hope is to normalize behavior challenges that most children this age may exhibit from time to time. For even more insight, check out my blog post on 5 year old emotional meltdowns.
Temper tantrums
While children at this age begin to have more control over their emotions, tantrums are still common. Your little one may not have the capacity to manage his or her feelings at all times—even most adults don't!
This may be especially true if your little one is a highly sensitive child. (Not sure if they are? Take my highly sensitive child test.) Sensitive kiddos have incredible strengths, but they may struggle more than other children with transitions, overstimulating environments, and big emotions.
Testing boundaries
Again, this is an age where your child develops their own voice. They may become more vocal about their needs and preferences, and this can come along with testing boundaries to see what they can get away with.
It can feel frustrating as a parent for your little one to push back, but I want to assure you that this is a normal part of child development. It's up to us as caregivers to hold firm, loving boundaries to provide a safe container for our kiddos.
P.S. Check out my signature TUNED IN Parenting Course for all kinds of helpful information about holding loving boundaries, child development, and so much more.
Mood swings
Your child's development is accelerating around age five. Their fight-or-flight system is growing, and while this will ultimately help them regulate their emotions, they're still learning.
Your kiddo may have a hard time managing his or her anger, sadness, disappointment, frustration, and even joy or excitement! This makes mood swings common at this age, especially for highly sensitive kiddos.
Gain more insight into the habits of highly sensitive children with my blog post, or dive in even further with my mini-course for parents of highly sensitive children.
Gentle parenting tips for supporting your five year old's behavior and development
While many difficult 5 year old behaviors can be totally normal, we still need to be conscious of how we respond. Here, I share a few of my favorite strategies (including pointers I give to our clients!) for responding to your kiddo's behavior in an intentional way.
Be patient. I challenge you to reflect on your own reaction to your little one's behavior. How much of your reaction is based on your own discomfort or internalized judgment rather than your kiddo actually being disruptive or inappropriate? As much as possible, I invite you to be patient, manage your own emotions, and let your little one be themselves. They're still learning!
Offer co-regulation. As part of this process, you can model emotional regulation for your kiddo. Try using my butterfly body scan guided meditation to help your child's brain and body (as well as your own) calm down in an intense moment.
Choose conscious discipline. We may default to punishing our children for "bad" behavior, especially if this is the type of parenting we saw modeled to us as children. While the topic of conscious discipline could be a whole blog post in and of itself, it essentially focuses on consequences that match the situation and being sure to positively reinforce our kiddo's "good" behavior.
Want even more gentle parenting strategies to help support your 5 year old's behavior? Check out my blog post on positive parenting strategies.
A therapist and parent coach's perspective
It's always my goal to both empower and gently challenge parents. I want to remind caregivers that they possess the ability to show up in an intentional, conscious, radically accepting way for their child. At the same time, this kind of parenting takes a significant amount of inner work and the willingness to take ownership over your emotions and ingrained patterns.
Through Rooted Rhythm's tried-and-true approach to child therapy, we've helped so many kids and their family members find more peace, ease, and connection in family life. We know that it's possible for you, too. And with convenient locations in Denver, Dallas, Atlanta, and Greenwich, we're committed to supporting as many families as we can.
We also recognize that many parents can benefit from their own individual work in therapy to help them show up as their most aligned selves with their kiddos. Our therapists also offer mental health therapy for adults, including ketamine-assisted psychotherapy to support deeper healing.
Not sure which option is best for you and your loved ones? Connect with us today for a free consult. We look forward to meeting and supporting you!