Behavior for 3 Year Olds: Insights & Tips for Parents
Takeaway: Whether you’re a new parent or having a different experience with your little one, it can be both exciting and challenging to navigate your 3 year old’s behavior. In this post, we’ll explore:
Typical developmental milestones for three year olds,
Common 3 year old behavior problems, and
Gentle parenting tips to help you nurture your little one.
Let’s dive in!
Understanding typical behavior for 3 year olds
While each young child is their own little person, it can help you understand what constitutes "typical" behavior for their age group.
The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) defines developmental milestones as activities that most (about 75%) can do by a certain age. If your child's behavior doesn't align with every single milestone listed here, it may not be an immediate cause for concern. We recommend checking with your child's pediatrician if you have questions.
Let's take a look at some common milestones for 3 year olds.
Plays with other children
Asks "who," "what," "where," and "why" questions
Says their own first name
Uses stairs without help
Draws squares and circles
Speaks in a way that most people can understand
Names some colors
Tells stories
Keep in mind that this isn't an exhaustive list of typical three year old behavior. This is meant to serve as a quick guide to some common activities that most children can perform at this age.
Common 3 year old behavior "problems"
Watching your little one develop their own personality can be an incredibly joyful experience as a parent. At the same time, three year olds can also display some challenging behavior that may leave you wondering if your child is developing in a typical way.
Here, we'll explore some common behavior problems that can actually fall under the umbrella of normal behavior for three year olds.
Temper tantrums. Your little one is still learning how to identify, manage, and express feelings at this age. It's important to be patient as your child learns these skills. Tantrums may be especially common if your child is highly sensitive. If this is the case for your toddler, they may be more prone to intense feelings and emotional overwhelm, which can present as frequent temper tantrums.
Refusing to follow instructions. At age three, your child is beginning to form their own opinions and preferences. This can translate to refusing to follow instructions like going to bed, getting dressed, and more. Try not to take it personally—while it can be frustrating, it's a crucial stage of developing their independence.
Trouble with transitions. Similarly, your little one may also struggle with transitions, especially when going from a preferred activity (like playing with toys) to a non-preferred activity (like brushing their teeth). Again, this may be especially true if you have a highly sensitive child. Take my highly sensitive child test to see if your little one may have this temperament.
Separation anxiety. While your child is likely becoming more interested in playing with other children at this age, they may still struggle with separation anxiety. It can be stressful to hear them scream and cry when you part ways, but it's important that they feel safe expressing these emotions.
Aggressive behavior. If your child bites, hits, or kicks when they're upset, it can be a normal part of three year old development. They're still learning how to express themselves in healthy, constructive ways, and acting out doesn't mean that they're "bad." It's up to us as parents to hold loving boundaries and offer conscious discipline in these instances.
While these behaviors might bring up feelings of frustration or anxiety (and even make you question your abilities as a parent), know that it can be normal for 3 year olds to act this way. If you can hold space for your child to work through these behaviors, you can ultimately support their physical, emotional, and language development.
Parenting tips for nurturing your three year olds' behavior
Knowing what's considered "normal" behavior for three year olds can help ease some of the pressure we may feel as parents. At the same time, it's important to be intentional with how we respond to our little ones' behavior.
Here are some tips that I share with my parent coaching clients to help them create more ease and connection in their family life.
Set reasonable expectations for your little one (and yourself).
You may be holding your child to unrealistic standards without even realizing it. It's easy to think about children as mini adults, especially as three year olds are developing their own personalities and identities.
However, young children are still learning language skills, emotional regulation, and boundaries. Remember to be gentle with them and use behavioral issues as learning opportunities rather than confirmation of your fears that your child is "bad" or "mean."
The same goes for you as a parent. Parents often feel pressure to be perfect, but you're only human yourself. It can be especially hard to be compassionate with your child if you didn't see that modeled when you were young.
Shift from punishment to conscious discipline.
It might feel natural to want to punish your child to prevent them from developing bad habits, especially if you were used to being punished as a child.
While using punishment doesn't make you a bad parent, I invite you to consider using conscious discipline instead. This approach can redirect unhelpful behavior while preserving the relationship between you and your little one.
You can learn more about conscious discipline in my signature TUNED IN parenting course, but one of the main principles is showing empathy for your child. Trying to understand their emotions and the "why" behind their actions can prevent your little one from feeling penalized and ashamed, feelings that can hinder their growth and the parent-child relationship.
Use positive reinforcement whenever possible.
Another part of conscious discipline is using positive reinforcement. Pay special attention to the times when your child gets it right (or tries to choose a more constructive behavior). Take notice of these instances and praise your child for listening to instructions.
By pointing out when your little one demonstrates preferred behavior, they gain a deeper understanding of what they should do, instead of only what to avoid doing.
Model emotional regulation.
As a parent, it can be hard to stay calm when your child is throwing a tantrum, defying instructions, or acting out. With this in mind, think of how hard it can be for kiddos to manage their emotions at an early age!
Acting as a role model can be an effective way to teach your child these skills. Show them how to take a deep breath and use their words to talk about their feelings. You can even use my butterfly body scan guided meditation to help both you and your little one calm down in a heated moment.
Get support in your parenting journey.
Raising kids is tough work, even with all the moments of joy and connection. Getting support from trusted others can help you feel validated and supported in your parenting journey.
Professional support can also go a long way. At Rooted Rhythm, we specialize in supporting families with highly sensitive children through parent coaching, play therapy, and self-paced courses. These offerings are designed to give you expert guidance that will empower you as a parent and help you cultivate a stronger connection with your little one.
FAQs about three year old behavior
Why is my 3 year old so mean?
I encourage you to separate any judgments from what may be typical behavior for three year olds. You may be feeling activated by how others perceive your child's behavior, or your own inner child might feel triggered by how your kiddo is behaving.
Both you and your little one may benefit from curiousity and compassion around your emotions and behavior. Take some time to reflect on what's coming up for you and how you can meet yourself and your little one with open arms during these tough parenting moments.
Why is 3 the hardest age?
Three years can be a tough age for a few different reasons. Your little one is learning independence and developing their own voice. They're learning ways to express themselves but still lack the vocabulary needed to convey the complex emotions they might be experiencing.
Plus, many three year olds experience life transitions like starting preschool or a playgroup, welcoming new siblings, and even phasing out midday naps. These changes can be hard to adapt to at first, especially if you're raising a highly sensitive kiddo.
When should I be concerned about my 3 year old's behavior?
If your child isn't hitting many of the major developmental milestones around the age of three or is demonstrating more frequent aggressive behavior, they may need specialized support. If you have any concerns about your child's behavior, I recommend consulting with their pediatrician. If you're unsure whether our services can help your child, I invite you to connect with us for a free consultation.
Get the personalized parenting support you need to help your family connect and grow together.
Whether you're struggling to navigate your three year old's behavior or are looking for support to be the best parent you can be, our team is here for you and your family. We offer in-person play therapy services in Atlanta, Dallas, Denver, and Greenwich.
Live out of state or feel like virtual services would be more convenient for your therapy? We also offer remote parent consultation and online courses for parents across the country.
If you're not sure which option is best for your family, we can provide our expert recommendation through a free consultation. We look forward to connecting with you!