7 Year Old Emotional Meltdowns & Tantrums: How to Support Your Child
Takeaway: When your child has a tantrum, it can be difficult to know how to help them. Many parents worry if it is normal or natural, especially when their kiddo is a little bit older. In this post, I cover everything you need to know about 7 year old emotional meltdowns: what causes them, how to support your child, and resources to help.
You expected tantrums in the "terrible twos" or even when your child was a little bit older. Now that they're 7 years old, though, you might feel worried or confused about your child's behavior. Is it normal for a 7 year old to have tantrums at this age?
While I tend to avoid terms like "normal," I can assure you that you're not the only parent feeling this way-and your child isn't the only 7 year old who's struggling with emotional outbursts.
It's likely that both you and your kiddo feel overwhelmed by these emotional outbursts. Thankfully, gaining a better understanding of your child's tantrums and how to support them (and yourself) in these difficult moments can help you find more ease in family life.
Let's dive in.
Your guide to temper tantrums in 7 year olds
It goes without saying that you want to be the best parent you can be. You try to support your kiddo when they're having temper tantrums, but sometimes it feels like you only escalate the situation despite your best efforts and good intentions.
Both you and your child are ready for something new. Here, I'll teach you about 7 year old temper tantrums so your family can feel confident navigating difficult behaviors and strong emotions together.
What are temper tantrums or emotional meltdowns?
As a parent, it's more than likely that you know a temper tantrum when you see one. However, if you're unsure whether your child is experiencing temper tantrums, here are some common signs to look out for.
Crying and shouting
Children have a tendency to get loud during temper tantrums. They might cry, whine, scream, or shout when they're in a stressful situation or have strong feelings. Even if your child has strong language skills, they might be unable to express how they feel when they're triggered. Screaming and crying may be the only way they feel able to communicate their intense feelings.
Flailing arms and legs
During your child's tantrum, they may also flail their body around. With this behavior, the intent isn't usually to harm themselves or others: it's simply how they're coping with the big feelings they have inside. The goal is to help your child do so in a safer, more effective way, but it's still important to understand where they're coming from.
Holding their breath
According to the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP), breath holding spells can be common elements of a child's tantrums. When the behavior is a response to anger or frustration, they're called cyanotic breath holding spells. On the other hand, pallid breath holding spells are typically in response to fear or injury.
Tensing the body or going limp
When your child feels triggered, they might tense their muscles, go rigid, or arch their back. They might also drop to the floor and go entirely limp. Both behaviors can make comforting your child extremely difficult.
Kicking, hitting, or throwing things
Some tantrums escalate even further. Your child might throw objects, kick people, or hit themselves or others during tantrums. While these negative behaviors can be unsafe for your child and those around them, it's important to avoid shaming them for these actions. As parents, we can set loving boundaries while having compassion for our kiddo's big feelings-more on that later in this post.
What causes temper tantrums in 7 year olds?
The root causes of tantrums can be simple (e.g. your child hasn't eaten yet today and is totally hangry) or more complex (think: some combination of your child's temperament, the situation, and how you're responding as their parent). While this isn't an exhaustive list, here are some common factors that can contribute to temper tantrums.
Your child might be highly sensitive
According to the research of Dr. Elain, up to 20 percent of the population are considered highly sensitive. This is a personality trait-not a mental health disorder-that leads people to be more sensitive to their environment, the people around them, and even their own emotions.
As a result, many highly sensitive children (HSCs) struggle with frequent tantrums. HSCs are constantly picking up on the subtle shifts and information around them, which can contribute to overstimulation. To learn more about highly sensitive children, check out my blog post.
Your child might have a mental health or behavioral challenge
Beyond being highly sensitive, stud show that other disorders, conditions, or predispositions can make your child more prone to experiencing meltdowns. Some examples include:
Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD)
Oppositional defiant disorder (ODD)
Generalized anxiety disorder (GAD)
Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)
Sensory processing disorder (SPD)
Some children might have one of these disorders in addition to being a HSC. Regardless of which challenges your kiddo has, it's important to remember that they aren't trying to be "difficult" on purpose.
Your child might struggle with transitions
Transition times can be especially hard for children-especially HSCs or those kiddos with other behavioral or mental health struggles. Having to switch gears can be difficult, especially if your child is being asked to stop a preferred activity and start a non-preferred activity.
Your child's day is full of transitions, but some common ones are bedtime, mealtimes, leaving the house, the end of the school day, and clean up times.
Your child might feel triggered by a lack of control
Similarly, many children struggle with a lack of control. As adults, we may not give much thought to our child's autonomy-after all, they're the kid and we're the parent, right? Of course it's our job to set boundaries and keep them safe. However, it can still be hard for kiddos to feel like they don't have a say.
When your child feels out of control (especially if they're highly sensitive) they may have a difficult time managing emotions. As a result, tantrums can follow.
Is it normal for a 7 year old to have tantrums?
The short answer is yes-temper tantrums in 7 year olds can be a natural part of child development. Around age 7, children often experience a regression to the "terrible twos." In other words, your child's behavior is going back in time to age 2.
This can be a confusing experience for parents. You might feel like older kids should have more control over their emotions and behaviors.
However, allowing this regression is vital for your child's development. If you struggled to embrace your child's tantrums in their younger years, your kiddo needs your support now to allow their midbrain to properly develop.
Simply allowing your child to throw a temper tantrum might sound easy in theory, but it can be really difficult (as you might know firsthand). Being able to tolerate your child's distress-which often comes out as "negative" behavior-can feel triggering and overwhelming for lots of parents.
It might feel like a knee-jerk reaction to chastise your child when they're throwing tantrums. However, shame isn't an effective long-term parenting strategy. Shame doesn't encourage meaningful change toward positive behavior-it only suppresses negative behavior in the moment.
Tantrums aren't your child's fault, and they're not your fault as a parent, either. With that being said, you do have the ability to shift your approach to your kiddo's tantrums. By letting them safely have big feelings (and big reactions), you show them that their emotions are okay.
At the same time, it's also important to set loving boundaries. Boundaries aren't meant to be punishments-rather, they're designed to maintain a happy, healthy relationship: big emotions and all.
Navigating 7 year old emotional meltdowns
Even if you're willing to make changes to better support your kiddo, it can be difficult to know where to start. You might feel like you've tried everything, but nothing seems to work. Know that you're not alone in this feeling. However, with some intentional shifts, it is possible to cultivate a parent-child relationship with more ease and understanding.
Preventing temper tantrums in 7 year olds
While there's (unfortunately) no foolproof way to prevent tantrums 100% of the time, there are plenty of strategies you can use to help your child have a more regulated baseline. Here are just a few. This blog post offers even more tools you can try.
Learn your child's triggers
Having a solid understanding of what triggers your child can help you get in front of meltdowns. Is your child ultra-sensitive to sounds in their environment? Are transitions tough for them? Get curious about what makes them feel overwhelmed, anxious, or angry.
Older children might have the language skills to tell you what makes them upset. However, it's also okay if your kiddo doesn't understand their feelings yet. Again, avoid shame and seek to meet them where they're at.
Stay attuned to physical needs
Environmental, relational, and emotional triggers are all important. At the same time, we can't overlook physical triggers. A child's sense of their bodily needs might not be fully developed, but it's crucial that we stay attuned to them as their parent.
Physical needs include basics like hunger, sleep, and needing to use the bathroom. Beyond these, children (especially HSCs) might also have increased sensitivities to things like temperature or how their clothes feel on their skin.
Create routine and consistency
According to the National Association of School Psychologists (NASP), schedules are an effective way to prevent temper tantrums. When children know what to expect, they may have an easier time regulating their emotions.
However, there is a fine balance between creating routine and creating a structure that's too rigid. Schedules are bound to be changed or disrupted from time to time, so we want to encourage our children to be adaptable as well.
Cue transitions
As we've discussed, transitions are a trigger for many children. At the same time, transitions are an unavoidable part of daily life.
We can help our children learn to cope with transitions by giving them prior notice when a change is coming up. For example, giving your child a 2-minute warning for bath time and setting a timer can help them remain calm before and during the transition.
Supporting your 7 year old who is throwing tantrums
While you know your child best, it can sometimes be tough to understand what they need-especially when managing anger or when they express stronger emotions. The good news is that it's never too late to learn how to support your child with emotional regulation.
Next time your little one is having big feelings, try one of these positive behaviors to help them feel calm.
Ask your child how they feel
If you're unsure how your child feels or what they need, you can always ask. You might have a pretty good idea as their parent, but children can often surprise us (as you know). Plus, asking them directly shows that you're curious about them-not making an assumption about what's going on.
It's also important to remember that your child might not have the words for how they feel or might feel too dysregulated to communicate. That can be totally okay, too. The main goal is demonstrating that you're trying to understand them.
Just listen
If words feel difficult or you feel lost about what to do, listening can be a powerful way of being there for your child. By simply holding space for your child's emotions-no matter what they are-you offer healing presence and connection.
While this sounds simple, tolerating your kiddo's big feelings can take a lot of inner work and grounding. Be patient with yourself-and your child-as you both learn how to navigate difficult or negative feelings together.
Butterfly body scan
During emotional outbursts, your child's nervous system is dysregulated. This can come in the form of hyper-arousal (think: kicking, screaming, or aggressive behavior) or hypo-arousal (which can come in the form of being "shut down" or "checked out").
My butterfly body scan can help you guide your child through this dysregulation. It's designed to help your child get back into their body, putting them in touch with the big feelings that caused the meltdown. Plus, it can help parents soothe their own difficult emotions, too.
Help them take a deep breath (or a few)
While breathing sounds simple, it can be an incredibly calming and effective coping mechanism when dealing with big feelings.
There are plenty of different breathing techniques you can try with your kiddo. Trace up the side of their finger on an inhale, then down the other side on an exhale, continuing with deep breaths as they trace their entire hand. You could even use a pinwheel to help them get in touch with their breath.
Caring for your emotional needs when your 7 year old has temper tantrums
While it's important to stay attuned to your children's behavior and emotions, you must also stay connected with your own inner experience. Being aware of your own feelings during your child's temper tantrums is key to reaching a calm place together.
Thankfully, many of the skills you're teaching your 7 year old can also be helpful for you as a parent. Deep breaths, body scans, and accepting your emotions are all techniques you can use to calm your own nervous system. Plus, modeling these skills can help your child learn.
Above all, it's important to have compassion for yourself and your entire family as you learn to create a safe, supportive household. Chances are, you haven't been given the tools you need to meet bigger emotions with ease and acceptance. You're learning together, and the important part is that you're trying now.
Want more tips for regulating yourself during your 7 year old's emotional meltdowns? Check out my blog post on how to be a calmer parent.
Parent coaching can help you better support your kiddo–and yourself–in tough moments
Meeting your 7 year old's temper tantrums with compassion and grace can be difficult-but it's worth it. Emotional outbursts don't need to keep disrupting family life. Rather, they can be an opportunity for you to strengthen the parent-child relationship and foster a deeper connection with your kiddo.
You don't have to go on this journey alone. I offer parent coaching for families like you who want to grow their emotional intelligence and understanding. Plus, my TUNED IN parenting course can give you the skills and support you need-all at your own pace.
Not sure which option is best for you? I encourage you to reach out for a free consultation to learn more. I look forward to discussing how we can help you and your family find more ease and connection!