9 Positive Parenting Strategies to Try Today

Takeaway: With all of the different parenting approaches out there, it’s hard to know what will work best for you and your child. Positive parenting is one approach that often feels good for parents and kiddos alike. In this post, I’ll cover everything you need to know about positive parenting: what it is, its benefits, and how to try it.

Are you struggling to parent in a way that feels authentic to you? Do you crave more connection and ease in your family life? Or are you simply looking for new parenting strategies to add to your arsenal of tools?

Regardless of where you're at in your parenting journey, positive parenting techniques can help. Positive parenting is designed to feel good for both you and your kiddos. At the same time, it might not feel natural for those of us who were raised with different parenting styles.

The good news is that anyone can learn how to shift toward a gentler parenting approach. With a little guidance and practice, you'll be practicing positive parenting with confidence before you know it.

Everything you need to know about positive parenting 

While positive parenting sounds relatively straightforward, it can be a big shift for many caregivers. Here, I break down everything you need to know about positive parenting: what it is, what the purpose is, what the benefits are, and whether it might work for your family.

What is positive parenting?

Positive parenting is exactly what it sounds like: responding to your child in a loving, supportive way. While there is more than one way to do this, there are several mindsets and behaviors that are commonly associated with a positive parenting approach. Here are just a few.

Being patient with your child

Giving your child grace is one of the main ways you can practice being a positive parent. (It's also the #1 tenet of my Rooted Rhythm™ Tuned In Parenting Principles). Kids have a way of making us feel like everything is urgent-and testing our patience in the process.

This is part of healthy child development. However, we also want to model calm and grounding for them. This helps your child learn how to use the higher parts of their brain, where rational thinking and self-regulation can take place.

It's hard to stay centered when your child's behavior feels intense or triggering, but these are excellent opportunities to practice a positive parenting style. Staying patient and leading by example gives your child the support and acceptance they need to thrive.

Offering positive reinforcement

Positive reinforcement is another key part of a gentle parenting style. As the name suggests, positive reinforcement is all about highlighting the positive aspects of your child's behavior and taking the focus off of negative behaviors.

Children (and even us adults) generally respond well to compliments and praise. While it can be tempting to constantly point out what your child is doing "wrong," positive parenting approaches challenge you to look for your little one's strengths.

US Davis Children's Hospital offers several examples of positive behaviors you can promote with praise, including using nice words, calmly expressing feelings, compromising, waiting patiently, following directions, and more.

Giving positive discipline instead of shame

Similarly, positive parents focus on using positive discipline (also known as conscious discipline). Many of us parents have been taught that discipline is synonymous with punishment.

While it's true that discipline helps your child learn right from wrong, using it as a way to teach instead of punish can lead to more positive outcomes. Studies show that positive discipline helps reduce children's "bad" behavior and improves their ability to regulate.

Conscious discipline is especially important for highly sensitive kiddos, who tend to take shame and harsh discipline extra hard. Instead, focus on teaching "good" behavior and prioritizing your connection with your child. I go over this positive parenting strategy in detail in my positive parenting program, the TUNED IN parenting course.

What are the benefits of using positive parenting strategies?

Every family is different, so there is no universal experience with positive parenting. However, I've seen firsthand how effective this parenting approach can be with my therapy and coaching clients, plus with the caretakers who've completed my course.

You don't have to rely on my word alone, though. There are tons of studies that support the use of positive parenting techniques. Here are just some of the benefits you can expect from trying a gentle parenting approach.

More ease in your family life

One of the main goals of positive parenting behavior is to have a more peaceful household. Many parents who are unfamiliar with gentle parenting feel overwhelmed with conflict, temper tantrums, and tension. They feel like they've tried everything but are still missing the kind of family life they envision.

That's where positive parenting practices come in. By learning how to meet your kiddo (and yourself) with compassion, curiosity, and grace, you can cultivate a family dynamic of ease and understanding.

Stronger relationships

A peaceful household goes hand in hand with deeper, stronger relationships. Gentle parenting behaviors are meant to show your child unconditional acceptance, loving boundaries, and positive affirmation. These also happen to be key ingredients for growing a loving relationship with your little one.

These effects can go beyond the parent-child relationship, too. Research shows that positive parenting techniques help children take initiative in social settings and have positive feelings toward interacting with others.

Improve your child's self-esteem

When we think of parenting approaches, we often immediately think of how we interact with our young kids. While focusing on the parent-child relationship with younger kids is vital, it's important to recognize that laying this foundation in early childhood can have positive effects on older kids, too.

For example, one study with university students showed that the use of positive parenting tools had a significant impact on self-esteem. Furthermore, the gentle parenting style also seemed to improve students' academic functioning.

Better parental mental health

As a parent, you're always focused on your child's life and well-being. Of course, this is natural. At the same time, your mental and emotional health is vital to creating a supportive parent-child relationship.

While there are tons of incredible child outcomes to support the use of gentle parenting practices, this approach can also help you. Studies show that positive parenting can have mental health benefits for parents.

How do I know if positive parenting tips will work for my child?

You know your child best. At the same time, I find that many parents who start researching positive parenting do so because they feel like their current approach isn't working. With my child development knowledge and years of experience helping families like yours, I've found that nearly all benefit from trying a gentle parenting style.

With that being said, some children and families might be an extra good fit for a positive parenting approach. Here are a few examples.

Highly sensitive children

Highly sensitive children (HSCs) are born with a personality that makes them more sensitive to their environment, their emotions, and the people around them. As a result, they also tend to have more meltdowns and be more sensitive to hard discipline.

It's important to remember that your HSC isn't being "difficult" on purpose. Rather, they need parental warmth and understanding to help them thrive with their unique sensitivities. Not sure whether your kiddo is an HSC? Check out my blog post on traits of highly sensitive children.

Children who struggle with mental or emotional problems

If your child isn't highly sensitive, they still may have a condition or predisposition that makes emotional regulation difficult. Kids with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), generalized anxiety disorder (GAD), post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and other challenges may struggle in ways similar to HSCs.

These children can also benefit from a gentle parenting approach. Because of their challenges, they might have a hard time managing big feelings, which can result in temper tantrums and outbursts. Using positive parenting strategies can help them feel more supported.

Any family looking for more ease and connection

Many parents want to build family relationships that are peaceful and authentic but aren't exactly sure how to go about it. If this sounds like you, positive parenting could be a good fit.

Oftentimes, the traditional ways of handling family conflict and children's behavior inhibit our relationship with our child, even if that's not our intention. Incorporating gentle parenting techniques can help the entire family feel more grounded and connected.

Implementing positive parenting techniques

Feeling ready to make the shift toward a gentler parenting approach? Congratulations! It takes a lot of humility and courage to put yourself out there as a parent and try something new. Make sure to be patient with yourself and have realistic expectations of your kiddos as you adjust to this new way of being.

Here are some of my favorite positive parenting tips. These are great for parents who are totally new to the idea of gentle parenting, and they can act as a helpful refresher for parents who have been trying this approach for a little longer.

Let's dive in.

9 positive parenting tools to try today

Remember, there is no "perfect" way to be a positive, supporting parent. The important thing is that you're trying a new approach in hopes of fostering a deeper, more grounded connection with your little one. These positive parenting tools can help you get started.

1. Set a positive example

Modeling is a huge part of positive parenting. When we set a healthy example for our children, we show them the behavior we want them to emulate. A real-life, in-the-moment example of desirable behaviors can support our kids' learning.

With that being said, try to avoid putting pressure on yourself to do this "right." You're practicing compassion and understanding with your child-you deserve that same respect, too. There are going to be times when we yell or make the "wrong" move. However, we can use these experiences as learning moments and opportunities to focus on repairing the relationship.

2. Offer emotional regulation strategies

Sometimes, we might feel triggered by our child's behavior or tantrums. While it's okay for us to have these feelings, it's also important to regulate our emotions in a healthy way. (This is also part of setting a positive example for our kiddos.)

In moments of big feelings, co-regulation is your best friend. These strategies help both of you get grounded. If you're not sure where to begin with co-regulation, try my butterfly body scan. This exercise will help you and your child better understand what's happening in your bodies.

3. Reward good behavior

As we've discussed, positive reinforcement is a huge part of gentle parenting. Punishment and shame aren't effective in creating the behavior shifts you want. Instead, they can sow resentment, self-doubt, and secrecy.

Instead, make it your mission to highlight all the times your child does something well. Are they great at taking turns with their sibling? Did they remember to say "please" or "thank you" without being prompted? No act is too small to be praised.

4. Get curious about their experience

In order to truly connect with your child, you must be open to what they're trying to communicate. This goes beyond their words-their behavior, body language, and play can all speak volumes about their inner world.

Authentic curiosity also involves embracing whatever your child has to say. We want to practice being receptive to our child's thoughts and feelings, even if they are confusing or hard for us to hear. Showing your child unconditional acceptance shows them that it's okay to be themselves.

5. Spend quality time with your kiddo

Offering quality one-on-one time is a powerful way to connect with your kiddo. It's especially effective if you can set aside some time to let your child completely take the reigns on what you do together. This is a great opportunity for you to practice curiosity, too.

Many parents love the idea of quality time with their children but feel stressed by their busy schedules. While this is totally valid, I'd also like to gently point out that giving 5-10 minutes of your uninterrupted presence can prevent time spent later on managing tantrums or behavior problems.

6. Don't expect kids to read your mind

You're on a journey to better understand your child's feelings. At the same time, it's important to communicate your feelings with them-in a developmentally appropriate way, of course.

Children (and adults!) get confused when a person's behavior doesn't match the emotional cues we pick up from them. You can let your child know that you're feeling angry or sad in your body in a way that also lets them know that it's not their fault.

7. Attune to your own emotions

In order to effectively communicate about your emotions, you must know what they are. For many of us, this is much easier said than done. Our own challenges or conditioning can get in the way of being aligned with our feelings.

The good news is that you can benefit from many of the same skills you're teaching your child. For example, body scans and breathing exercises are great ways to help both you and your child gain a better understanding of your own emotions.

8. Identify the desired behavior

It's easy to jump straight to punishment when our children misbehave. For example, you might send your kiddo straight to time out for throwing toys during a temper tantrum. However, your child might not actually understand what they should have done differently to express their emotions (other than not throwing the toys).

Don't expect your child to "just know" what to do. Instead, take this opportunity to set a positive example and model an emotional regulation skill for your little one. This helps them understand how to approach the situation differently and prevents them from feeling ashamed or confused.

9. Set loving boundaries

While setting boundaries can feel difficult for many of us, they're an essential part of parenting. They help your child stay safe and healthy, and they can help you both maintain a positive connection.

Many parents have a hard time being clear and consistent with boundaries. Kids can have big reactions to boundaries, and that's okay. We must learn to tolerate the distress that comes along with enforcing boundaries.

Looking for more guidance with setting (and enforcing) loving boundaries? My TUNED IN parenting course has an entire module dedicated to this topic.

Get support with implementing positive parenting skills

You don't have to embark on your positive parenting journey alone. Trying something new can feel intimidating, especially if this approach feels like a total switch from what you've been doing so far.

I'm a licensed social worker with over a decade of experience helping families like yours. I've seen firsthand how transformative gentle parenting can be, and I'm passionate about supporting families in finding more ease and connection in their day-to-day lives.

In my practice, I offer one-on-one parent coaching for caregivers who are looking for guidance in becoming the aligned parent they want to be. In these individualized sessions, you'll gain insight into your own patterns, learn new parenting skills, and feel empowered to create meaningful change.

Self-paced learning more your style? My TUNED IN parenting course may be a better fit for you. This 40-day course provides tons of in-depth yet easily digestible information to help you parent your sensitive child.

If you're not sure which offering is the best fit for you, or simply want more information before getting started, I encourage you to reach out for a free consultation. I'm always open to chatting with parents and caregivers about how I can help you embody your true self and find more peace in your family life. I look forward to hearing from you.